I haven’t been satisfied with blogging lately. I remember I used to write on Blogspot without a care in the world because no one knew who I was. It felt really good. But here, I haven’t been putting my heart into it as much as I want to, like really sharing what’s honestly on my mind because I’m no longer protected by the anonymity since a few people who know me in real life found out about this place thanks to Facebook fucking telling my friends that ‘Alycia is on Instagram. Click here to add her!’ when I never ever ever in a million years would’ve connected the two accounts just for this reason. So I’m always slightly editing my words, reigning myself in to be safe out of fear of being ashamed or embarrassed because having a blog is just dorky, right?
Yet at the same time I spend worrying about who’s reading, I’m always wondering why the hell I’m even still here then, and who wants to read about my completely generic life in the first place. It’s seems so narcissistic, (blogging and social media both are narcissistic, admit it, but are so damn fun), and I swear I’m not. I don’t like to be the center of attention at all. But I have this urge to write, and share, and relate and I consider my blog a safe space for that. That’s mainly why I keep going. It’s been around 7 years since I started.
I usually go through something like this once or twice a year, reevaluating why the fuck I’m even still doing this. Why I work so hard at editing posts and photos. Why I’m paying WordPress to host this not-very-cheap-to-keep blog. And for what? Especially since comments have decreased by 95% over the last year or so because everyone is using Instagram or Twitter to interact now. But my desire to share bits of my life in writing is stronger than that uncertainty, so I continue to post here mainly as a way to remember these days, in more than a truncated Instagram post or 140 character Twitter update, so I can look back on them in the future. So I look at blogging as my own personal journal and if you want to come along for the ride, that’s awesome!
And much like a real person over time, this blog has evolved tremendously since I first started. It’s not a ‘niche’ blog like so many of those god forsaken ‘How to be a successful blogger’ posts tell you to do. My god, that irritates the shit out of me so much, but that’s besides the point…I used to blog about all things Etsy, featuring cool shops and ideas. Then it started covering DIY and crochet when I started learning how to crochet. Then it veered into the area of infertility and pregnancy when I was going through that, and now that I’m a mom, I like to talk about my kid. And all in between, I like to try to keep it real and connect with people who have similar interests and experiences, and I certainly have found some. But the latest path, the kid part, is the part I’m holding back on. I’m terrified of oversharing or being considered by some a ‘mommy blog’ so I only post about Lachlan once a month. But there are so many more things and sweet memories that I’d like to share. But guess what, I’m a mom who has a blog. I’m gonna talk about my kid and kid things! How the hell can I not? He is what’s happening in my life right now.
So I’m hoping that starting now, 1) I’ll start getting back to actually writing like no one is reading and 2) try to find the inspiration to actually find something to write about, because it’s hard to find that inspiration when I don’t do much these days besides wipe my kid’s little butt repeatedly, forget about the laundry in the dryer for 4 days, and my only outings involve walking around the neighborhood or going to Target before crashing into bed at 8pm.
With that being said, I think I’m done with the Good Things series that I post on Sundays. In my mind it sounded like I was humble bragging about the things I did each day, even though the entire point of those posts was to write one positive thing I did each day. So I don’t know. I think by starting that series though, it was a way for me to take small bullet point baby steps into geting back into actually writing. And I’m ready now. I mean, I have it in me to want to. If you don’t mind reading about my kid or my generic life, I’m happy you’re here!