And this is why I’m glad we didn’t waste money and energy at the pumpkin patch

October 27, 2015

We got 3 pumpkins from the super market on Saturday. And I felt lame as hell because I totally wanted to take those cheese ball pumpkin bump pics with Brian in a patch and all that twee crap. Well, we’ve had these pumpkins for all of 3 days and look what the stupid squirrels did! Now I don’t feel bad for cheaping out. This whole month I’ve been wanting to go pumpkin picking and drink freakin (pasteurized) cider and walk through a freakin corn maze and pose on a freakin hay bale like everyone else on Instagram, but then I would chicken out the day of because I’m always so freakin tired and just didn’t want to spend the time walking the half mile from the parking lot to the patch. And then back again while holding a 10 lb pumpkin. So we just picked these up at the store with a shopping cart for like $4. I hope you enjoy them, you squirley squirrels!

Yesterday, I thought the package man was walking up the stairs to drop off a package as I heard boom boom boom. So I grabbed Monty and tossed him outside on the back deck as he flips his shit when anyone comes to the front door. So I go to the front door panting and out of breath from wrangling Monty, only to find not a package but to see this pumpkin had rolled down the stairs and threw up its innards on the sidewalk thanks to a squirrel knocking it down.

Grrrr………

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